Don't Judge Me: Natalie's Story

An older man, bearing white whiskers, white hair and tortoise-shell rimmed glasses, enters the physical therapy gym, delicately balancing on two crutches. He casts a puzzled look in my direction, watching my every move as I continue completing a set of “clamshells, ” the most intense hip-strengthening exercise I have encountered while at physical therapy.

As I get up to get a drink of water, he glances in my direction and asks “Why… are you here for rehabilitation of some sort?” The question is familiar, though it still feels like a subtle slap on the face. “No I just come here to work out” I want to say, but instead I smile and respond, “Yes, I actually hurt my knee” in my most polite tone. He responds “Ah. Well it sure doesn’t look like you need to be here.”

I smile and nod, and return to my purple mat, where a set of planks awaits me. My physical therapist casts a knowing glance in my direction, having witnessed similar interactions in the past.

This comment still lingers in my thoughts, like the unpleasant residue remaining after a band-aid has been pulled off.  My encounter at the physical therapy clinic reminds me of the many doctors that I have dealt with through various points of my life. It is still astounding to me that so many medical professionals have stated that “a slim, youthful woman of your age” should not be having a myriad of peculiar health symptoms. As if they had suddenly forgotten all six years of their medical school education, or more aptly, attributed my complaints to a state of anxiety that clearly plagues all young female millennials.

As a woman with PCOS, I also find that my youth and slim physique often make me feel like an “atypical” case. I often remind myself that PCOS is a syndrome, but the disbelief of certain doctors has made me feel self-conscious about being a woman with PCOS. Similarly, since PCOS is so intimately linked to fertility health, and since so many women obtain a diagnosis when they are trying to conceive, I sometimes feel alienated by my present situation. Not quite in the “TTC” camp, not quite in the “trying to lose weight camp,” perhaps in a larger camp of working on being as healthy as possible? Does that sound less appealing? I do want to have children some day. This is definitely a motivating factor for me when it comes to taking care of myself and living my life as a “wellness warrior,” but it is not the only one.

These experiences have taught me a lot about the grace with which I interact with others. Despite my outwardly appearance, there is a lot going on with my body. There are days when I feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed. Days where I do not feel like cooking for myself, days where I wish I did not have food sensitivities, and moments where I do not want to get out of bed. I try my best to move forward and to keep improving.

As a Power Up for PCOS representative, I worried about being judged for my age, for my physique, or for the fact that I am not trying to conceive. I sometimes feel that my symptoms are not as “bad” as what other women are going through. I wondered if maybe I shouldn't be as open in sharing my experiences. I worried that my focus on the larger health picture would not appeal to other women. Ultimately, through a conversation with Beth and Katrina, I realized that so many women with PCOS feel this way. Women with children who feel guilty for trying to have another child, women with hair loss who feel guilty that they don’t have excess hair growth, women with thyroid problems who feel guilty for not having endometriosis…etc.

But ultimately, we are all women with PCOS. We all have unique struggles, we all wonder at why our body does what it does and we all strive for wellness. We are different but also similar. So I call on you, to stand together, to let go of the guilt and to work together towards a healthy and fulfilling life.

Have you felt judged during your PCOS journey? Please comment below.


Written by: Natalie, Power Up for PCOS Volunteer
http://www.powerupforpcos.com
*Please note that I am not a medical professional. I am not qualified to give out any medical advice. I am a woman with PCOS who is sharing my personal experiences in this blog and I advise you to consult a professional.*

Power Up for PCOS - emPowering Women to Manage PCOS

Power Up for PCOS provides support to women with PCOS and their families through educational Power Up Groups, building connections with other PCOS women, calendar of upcoming PCOS events, professional referrals and reviews, PCOS store, and other specialized events to raise awareness for PCOS.

Wellness Wednesday's: Finding Emotional Wellness

When I was first diagnosed with PCOS it was very overwhelming.  My doctor gave me a handful of papers to read up on and instructed me to lose weight, work out regularly and change to a low-carb diet.  That was all I had to begin my journey with managing PCOS.  What I didn’t know was how stress, anxiety and depression are all directly correlated with PCOS as a symptom, but also as a trigger to worsen our other PCOS symptoms.

I first learned of the importance of mental and emotional wellness while reading a white paper on PCOS in Australia (Link: http://www.managingpcos.org.au/pcos-evidence-based-guidelines).  Their government recognizes PCOS as a modern epidemic and has been doing studies to come up with a guideline for treatment to give to those who are diagnosed.  They mention that a doctor, nutritionist as well as a counselor should all work as a team to help their patient thrive.

Reading about this forced me to start looking at my life and how stress has increased over the years, my reaction to stress has worsened my symptoms and made it harder to manage my PCOS.  I didn’t do anything for ME to release stress from work and family life, so it would just build up over time.   

Can you relate to this?  Think about all the stress you hang onto when you are at work, staying at home with the kids, dealing with health issues and family issues.  Do you do anything to release that stress?  Has your health been hampered by stress?  Imagine what you would feel like if you could remove one or two of those worries from your shoulders.  You would feel lighter and better capable of dealing with other issues life throws at you.

Below are 7 stress-relievers you can try to help relieve stress in your life.  I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and try some of them out to see what might work for you.  You just might find a new passion and a new way to feel better!

1.     Read a Book
I am a reader, so this comes naturally to me, but I recognize this isn't so for everyone.  I find that escaping in a good novel helps to push out the worries of life and allows me to live in another world for a while.  Others find that escaping in a Biogrophy or magazine does the same thing for them.  I encourage you to borrow a book from a friend, or go pick one up at the bookstore and try using it as a way to unwind at the end of your day.  A great placec to get used books cheap (and to trade your read books) is www.paperbackswap.com. It’s free and they’ll give you 2 credits when you sign up (that’s 2 free books!).

2.     Journal
So, you’re probably thinking of the diary you had when you were 12 and wondering why keeping a journal as a “mature adult” could help anything.  Well, journaling forces you to sit down (instead of running around the house doing chores) and think about what’s going on in your life.  I’ve found that it slows down my thoughts, and putting pen to paper allows me the chance to think through life’s dramas, decisions, feelings, etc.  When I am overwhelmed, taking even 15 short minutes to sit down and write about what I’m feeling can help immensely to recharge my mood and help clear the fog to see decisions and circumstances clearly.  Make it fun.  Pick out a cute journal that reflects your style and personality.  Write about anything that comes to mind. Doodle. Be a poet…anything that will help your mind to slow down and allow you to focus on yourself. 

Another option if you’re not too keen on keeping a paper journal- you can start a blog (blogger is a free one) and make it private if you prefer to keep prying eyes away. 

3.     Meditate/Pray
As I’ve mentioned above a few times, it’s important to have time to yourself where you can reflect on your life, feelings, thoughts, or just push the world out of your head for a while.  Meditation or prayer can help to center your thoughts and calm your mind.  Try going to a quiet corner of your house- your bedroom, bathroom, or even a closet.  Sit comfortably; close your eyes and work on pushing thoughts out of your head.  If you’re religious you can focus on God- give your worries to Him and thank Him for what you have. If you’re not religious, you can recite a mantra. Try positive things like - “I’m beautiful”, “I am a courageous woman”, “I am free from anger/sadness”.  I encourage you to also practice breathing exercises to release any tenseness and help clear a foggy or distracted mind.

4.     Take a bath
This may sound like an obvious way to destress, but how many of us actually make a practice of taking a nice relaxing bath?  I like to throw in bubble bath and some calming aromatherapy oils, usually lavender to help clear my mind and release tension in my muscles. Maybe even light some candles and read a book. Next time you go to the store, splurge a little and get some delicious smelling bath goodies. Taking time for yourself is important- so pamper away!

5.     Exercise
I find it difficult to keep on an exercise routine, but when I’m on one I am always reminded how amazing I feel throughout the day.  I’m actually alert and energetic, perform better at work and am able to better manage any stress that gets thrown my way.  Not only that, but the endorphins released during exercise actually help you combat depression. Also, keeping the weight off our middles really helps keep our PCOS bodies balanced and our cycles regular. 

If you have a hard time sticking to a workout schedule, I encourage you to pull out your calendar and block out an hour 3 – 4 times a week.  Try to recruit a friend or your spouse to work out with you so that you have accountability and encouragement. 

Another idea- try doing the Couch to 5K program (http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml).  It trains you gradually over several weeks to be able to run a 5k.  Sign up for a 5K in your area (like PowerUp’s 5k in September) so that you have a goal to work towards.

6.     Be creative
For some of us, being creative is much easier said than done.  There are many ways to be creative- painting, scrapbooking, card making, wood working, photography, sewing, singing/music, knitting/crocheting, cake decorating, party planning….you get the idea.  Take a few hours a few times a month to create something.  Work on a fun project and put your heart into it.  A great site to gain inspiration is Pinterest.

Another fun idea is to host a Pinterest Party.  Have a bunch of friends choose one or two things they want to make from Pinterest (a food item, a beverage, and /or a craft) and they can bring the supplies for those things.  Now everyone can share the food and beverages, and craft together on projects they already wanted to do from their Pinterest boards! 

7.     Talk to someone
We all know that life can quickly and easily become overwhelming. It’s important to have someone you can go to regularly and talk things out with.  If you don’t have a close friend you feel comfortable talking with, consider seeing a counselor or a pastor at your church (many churches offer free pastoral care) every few weeks. You’ll be surprised at how much it helps to release what you have been worrying about, to hear a different perspective on an issue that has been weighing on you as well as gain encouragement when you need it most.  I also encourage you to attend a near-by Power Up group each month.  Building relationships with ladies that are going through much of what you are can help you in ways you never knew.  You may even gain a new friend or two!

Written by: Crystal Warren, Representative for Power Up for PCOS which provides support to women with PCOS through educational Power Up Groups, building connections with other PCOS women, calendar of upcoming PCOS events, professional referrals and reviews, PCOS store, and other specialized events to raise money for PCOS research.  To find our more, visit http://www.powerupforpcos.com, email info@powerupforpcos.com or by calling 810-545-PCOS (7267)

Power Up for PCOS - emPowering Women to Manage PCOS

*Please note that I am not a medical professional. I am not qualified to give out any medical advice. I am a woman with PCOS who is sharing my personal experiences in this blog and I advise you to consult a professional.*